We got promoted from Primary Stakeholder & Beneficiary to Chief Family Finances & Household Operations Officer. Congratulations!
The scope of our responsibilities includes, but is not limited to:
- Allocating resources across essential expenses, debts, and discretionary spending;
- Monitoring cash flow and ensuring timely payment of utilities, rent/mortgage, loans, and other recurring obligations (i.e., tuition fees, birthdays, holidays) until the next payroll cycle;
- Evaluating and approving financial assistance requests of the Board Chairpersons (parents), Junior Stakeholders (siblings), and Consultants from the Unsolicited Advice Department (relatives);
- Leading rapid decision-making under extreme pressure with incomplete information, limited sleep, and existential crisis;
- Exploring additional income streams and revenue diversification opportunities;
- Establishing education, retirement, and emergency funding objectives;
- Ensuring compliance with statutory and regulatory requirements, paperwork deadlines, and societal expectations; and
- Performing other duties as assigned by the aforementioned stakeholders, acts of nature, the universe, or, occasionally, a broken home appliance
Compensation:
- No salary increase.
- No salary at all. Surprise!
- No annual performance bonus or incentives.
- No paid leave.
- No allowance.
Benefits:
- Character development
- Health concerns (mostly physical and mental)
- Occasional gratitude; and
- A free breadwinner starter kit! (See attachment below.)
We know we did not apply for this job, but what choice do we have? Let us crack open the handbook and start the briefing.
Section 1. Code of Boundaries
This will be one of the most challenging codes to uphold, but this will set us up for success and grant us peace of mind in the long run.
A huge majority of breadwinners are suffering from guilt syndrome. We feel guilty saying no. We feel guilty spending money on ourselves. We feel guilty for resting. We feel guilty for feeling happy. We feel guilty for drawing the line.
However, the line has to exist, so we can exist and live without guilt.
We may be breadwinners, but we are not walking oases. We are not ATMs regurgitating infinite money. We are not the Bangko Sentral ng Pamilya. We are not the Universal Monetary Fund nor the Asian Relatives Development Bank.
We are not required to wear ourselves thin. Let us learn to define boundaries and be firm in enforcing them; emphasis on the latter. We should clench our iron fist in a velvet glove. It is possible.
Section 2. Budget Planning Protocol
Budget. We are quite familiar with the concept, but we often treat it as a haphazardly moving target and complicate things while planning.
As the one managing the family’s finances, our income is split into multiple baskets. These could be:
- Groceries
- Utilities
- Internet
- Fuel
- Mortgage or rent
- Loans
- Insurance
- Tax
- Government-mandated contributions
- Emergency fund
- Investment
- Savings
We are fortunate that we are now in the digital age. We have access to several resources covering budget management. We can readily search and consume content made by people who are particularly well-versed in finances. We can learn about the 50/30/20 rule, zero-based budgeting, expense trackers, automations (auto-transfer, auto-pay, auto-invest), and finance-related mobile apps.
Having the initiative to broaden our knowledge in budgeting is quite helpful. We just need to keep it simple.
We do not need to drown ourselves in fancy spreadsheets with multi-colored tabs right off the bat. We could identify core needs. Name the purpose, then set a fixed number or percentage. Stay true to the budget, especially if we are dealing with optional expenses.
Keeping the budget simple and realistic will help us honor it consistently.
Section 3. Emergency Fund Policy
Plot twists are more common than we think.
A few days before payday, someone in the family might get sick and need surgery. While in the process of replenishing our savings, the laptop or phone we frequently use for work might decide to bid adieu. After holding on to our bonus for months or years (originally intended for a long-overdue vacation), we might be forced to redirect the money to major repair costs after a typhoon devastates our hometown.
Emergency funds are the financial cushion we hope we will never have to use. But we sure as hell know how much of a relief these could bring when the time comes.
Most people recommend setting aside 3-6 months’ worth of expenses as an emergency fund. Saving up for such a huge amount can be suffocating to think about, but we could start small.
Start with an amount as low as ₱ 1,000 (or practically, any figure you are comfortable saving initially). If this seems manageable, we can aim for ₱ 5,000, then ₱ 10,000 gradually. Once we cover the bases and keep the momentum, we can continue saving up until we reach the equivalent of one month’s expenses, followed by three to six months of funds.
Start small. Having an emergency fund worth ₱ 1,000 is still better than zero.
Section 4. Professional Competency Requirements
One of the breadwinners’ greatest assets is our ability to earn.
In an instant, our arsenal of skills might not be enough to keep the job we currently have. Not all occupations are destined to stay forever. Corporate decisions made by owners or the top management can easily influence our tenure, no matter how capable we are as employees or workers. Industries continue to shift and grow. Technology is advancing rapidly. The business landscape unravels.
What feels stable now may shift sooner than we expect, so continuous learning becomes part of staying prepared. Our current pay can support today’s needs, but acquiring new skills can boost our chances of snagging future opportunities.
Section 5. Income Continuity Plan
Not every breadwinner has the bandwidth to engage in a side hustle or run a small business before or after full-time work. But if we are the safety net of our families, then we also need to build a safety net for ourselves. Relying on a single source of income is too fragile for the responsibilities we carry.
We can dip our toes into freelance work or consulting gigs. We might have skills we can monetize. We can grow the network of professional contacts we can reach out to.
This way, rather than being consumed by fear and anxiety, we remain steady and ready to respond when life demands it.
Section 6. Insurance Coverage Guidelines
Our government benefits (SSS, PhilHealth) provide a starting point, but not a complete safety net. Having additional protection helps us and our loved ones stay more secure.
Yes, health and life insurance conversations are tricky, especially when discussed in haste and without proper research. Insurance companies sometimes try to shove a myriad of financial products down our throats to rattle us. There is no need to fling our hard-earned money on insurance policies we do not fully understand. Still, having a better understanding of protection options can, nonetheless, equip us to handle major financial strains when they arise.
We can respect the urgency and importance of having these safeguards, but we have to be smart about it.
Section 7. Family Assistance Framework
Some breadwinners often chuck liquid funds into a single account. This may seem harmless at first, but it ultimately spirals into chaos the moment the salary comes in, bills get paid, a sibling requests their allowance, a parent needs help with maintenance medicines, someone else borrows money, rinse, repeat. By the end of the day, we are left wondering if there is anything left.
Monitoring cash flow is difficult if we are mixing funds intended for personal and family expenses. Remember the concept of establishing healthy boundaries? A practical extension of this is setting up a separate account for family support. This system makes it manageable to balance our generosity with sustainability.
It gives us a room to reflect on this question:
“How much can I realistically contribute without jeopardizing my own finances and sanity?”
Our willingness to help and support our families requires more than good intentions; it also requires a sound plan. Let us keep our funds separate.
Section 8. External Support Network
Our default response to most things is to carry the cross alone.
But we don’t have to. We are not meant to solve every problem ourselves. We are free to ask questions. We are allowed to ask for help.
Sometimes, we just need to reach out to people who are willing to listen without prejudice, without needing to hand out unsolicited advice. Someone willing to share a fraction of their time. This could be a close family member, a trusted friend, a respected mentor, a reliable colleague, or a fellow breadwinner.
The most valuable support does not always come in the form of fund transfers. It is simply having someone who sees us for who we are and does not judge the way we crack, given the weight we are carrying.
Section 9. Wellness & Enjoyment Policy
A breadwinner’s happiness is never a priority.
We have little to no room for our mental well-being. Personal happiness often becomes an afterthought. Something nice to have, but not required.
Granting ourselves the time to enjoy somehow comes with a set of conditions.
- I will go on vacation once I am finished paying for my parents’ debts.
- I will find love and get married once all my siblings have graduated.
- I will buy myself a new phone once I am done covering all installments for the family car loan.
All these shall pass. We can enjoy life at a later time. This is the consolation prize we keep awarding ourselves.
But “later” may be too late. “Later” may never come.
That is why a Joy Fund matters. It does not need to be large. It could be an amount enough for books, games, hobbies, movies, marathons, or art/dance classes.
We still deserve moments of enjoyment. In fact, we need them.
Section 10. Career Documentation Standards
Let us admit it: many professionals only update their résumés when they are already unhappy or unemployed. This is a reactive measure, not a proactive one.
As breadwinners, keeping our professional documents updated is a form of preparedness.
It would be great if we could document our career achievements in real time. Reflect work milestones on our LinkedIn profiles regularly.
Opportunities sometimes arrive with little warning. Having a polished profile can make all the difference.
Section 11. Document Organization System
At least once in our lifetime, we probably frantically searched for an ID minutes before an appointment or government office cut-off. Based on this, we can already understand why having a document organization system matters.
Maintaining a folder containing important documents could be a lifesaver.
This may include:
- Valid IDs
- Birth certificates
- Marriage certificates
- Insurance information
- Medical documents
- Official receipts
- Employment records
Whether digital or physical, a simple but effective file organization reduces stress when emergencies happen.
Because emergencies are stressful enough without having to go berserk while hunting through seven drawers.
Section 12. Household Database & Work Instructions
I remember my former manager’s words about having a system that allows the entire department to function effectively: No one should be indispensable.
Even if one or two people are not around, others should be able to take over the tasks at hand. This could also apply to our household. Even if we are not around, there should be a system in place so our siblings are not clueless about how to manage certain matters.
Siblings or other members of the family should have access to information related to emergency contacts, utility account numbers, billing due dates, names and schedules of medical professionals (doctors, dentists), phone numbers and addresses of hospitals or clinics near the residence (especially those covered by our existing HMO).
Having this key information documented and shared among the family contributes to preparedness.
Section 13. Personal Vision & Mission
We are our own person.
Being a breadwinner is just a crumb of who we are. We have dreams to protect and take good care of. A dream that is ours alone. Though we drown in the cacophony of bills, obligations, and expectations, it is this dream that kindles an otherwise dying light.
Indeed, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel does not have to be a cold and dark waiting room for the promises we made ourselves: the career path which may not be lucrative, but what we have always wanted to do; the house or car or gadget we have been yearning to buy; the world we have always looked forward to explore; the gamble we are willing to take a risk on because only our hearts are on the line, not our siblings’ or parents’.
Remember the dream.
Hold on to it tightly until your knuckles turn to white. Set aside money to fund it, no matter how small the increments are. Work hard and smart towards it, no matter how slow the progress is and no matter how arduous the entire journey is.
The life we have is not a nightmare. It may be doused in blood, sweat, and tears, but it is the red carpet to our dreams. We are not victims. We are victors. Our dream is our birthright. This is our covenant. We will claim it!
Afterword
It is tough inside the oven, I know. Still, we can keep bringing home the bread without us becoming toast in the process.
Hope this starter kit enables us to find the balance between responsibility and resilience, generosity and boundaries, family support and personal dreams.
I formally adjourn this briefing. Thank you for your time.
Keep rising,
Martinne